A Love Letter to the New Mama
Side note: The term “new” is relative — in my humble opinion — for a change as drastic as this one. Whether you have been mothering for 1 day or 10 years, welcome.
Dear New Mama,
Wow, what a ride. Did you ever think parenting would be this much of a rollercoaster — biologically, psychologically, socially, spiritually?
Your world has begun shifting dramatically ever since you first learned you were pregnant, and it feels as though it’s been shifting at an even more rapid pace these days. You’re finding it hard to determine which way is up and which way is down, and maybe that’s okay.
In fact, you are allowed all of the time you need to settle into your new rhythm.
Let that sink in.
Sichel & Driscoll (1999) put it beautifully: “From the moment you find yourself pregnant, your life is forever transformed. Whatever your age, whether the pregnancy is planned or unexpected and whether it ends in the delivery of a premature or full-term infant, your psyche will be altered… You will never again view the world in quite the same way.”
This feels quite sobering and disconcerting, don’t you think? Well, that’s because it is.
Your life — you know, the one that has been forever changed — is now in a constant state of flux. Depending on the day, the number of night wakings you’ve had, the number of tantrums you have witnessed, the clinginess level of your babe, your mental load status, the number of meetings you have had to reschedule recently due to a sick kiddo, it’s hard to even know how you are feeling — with hard being an understatement, of course.
And yet, here you are.
Even though this journey has been uncomfortable in every sense of the term, you haven’t given up. This is literally the most uncomfortable thing you’ve ever done, and yet — you are surprising yourself at the way you are transforming. You are more strong than you could have ever dreamt, and yet so tender and awake to your sweet little one.
You are the best mother for your child, and the love you are showing them is exactly what they need.
Those night wakings you’ve been suffering through? You’re showing your little one that you love to nurture and tend to them — that they are worth every bit of the sacrifice.
Those tantrums that make you literally feel unwell + overstimulated? You’re directly modeling that big emotions are hard, and they can and will get through them. What’s even better? You’re showing them that you are there for them in the midst of their range of emotions.
That feeling of being touched out from your clingy toddler? You’re tending to their physical love language, and I can guarantee you that they won’t be like this forever.
That mental load you’re constantly carrying? It is so very real and so very heavy. I admire you for how attuned you are to your child and your household, and it shows.
The meetings you’ve had to reschedule due to your sick kiddo? You’re modeling your beautiful values — that family comes first, and relationships are worth far more than your to-do list.
Perhaps I haven’t met you, but Mama, that doesn’t diminish the level of confidence I have in you.
I deeply know + trust that you have risen to the occasion of motherhood. Maybe not in the ways you expected yourself to, but let’s face it: those unreal expectations were trash, and you know it.
I am immensely proud of you. Every fiber of my being wants to shout that from the rooftops.
What would it feel like for you to experience this, too? To bask in the glory of your good + hard work?
And now for the real question… how are you resting?
What does your replenishment look like?
Proud of who you are and who you are becoming,
Laura
Here are a few of my favorite recommendations for replenishment:
Normalize your experience. What No One Tells You: A Guide to Your Emotions from Pregnancy to Motherhood by Dr. Alexandra Sacks and Dr. Catherine Birndorf is a great book on the emotional challenges that come up in early motherhood.
Share your load. Divvy up household tasks with your partner. You were never meant to do this all by yourself.
Remember that you are never alone. Something Beautiful by Andrea Marie is one of my favorite songs that helps me process through hard seasons.
Find community. MOPS can be a great place to come together with other mothers who are currently in the throes of motherhood and open to talking about the hardships it presents.
Move your body. Celebrate your body’s strength and beauty throughout all of the seasons of motherhood. Look into doing something for you and only you, whether that be a yoga class, a solo hike, or a gym workout.
Process your emotions. This can be done through journaling, with trusted friends, a therapist, etc.