On Listening to Yourself as a Mother
At the end of every year I complete a 20-question annual review of sorts.
each year looks a little different, but typically I take myself on a solo date to a favorite coffee shop or wine bar — journal, pen, and noise cancelling headphones raring to go — and reflect away.
(PS: I also send this questionnaire out to my newsletter subscribers. Want in?)
As I steadily worked through the 20 questions, this one in particular hit me — actually, more like softly enveloped me — similar to a warm, welcome hug.
Question: When did you feel most like yourself?
Those 7 words made me giddy, smiling ear to ear with an epiphany that demanded to be recorded — to be celebrated and made the most of.
Answer: I felt most like myself in my role as a mother.**
This is a feat for me for a myriad of reasons — but the main one — in underlined, all caps, bold letters is that IT USED TO NOT BE THIS WAY.
Actually, it was quite the opposite (!). Ya girl struggled — to put it very lightly — with my transition into first-time motherhood.
It was right as COVID became ~a thing~ that I discovered I was pregnant, and the pandemic made a jarring + detrimental impact on my mothering journey. Mainly, I think the lack of connection piece is what did me in. How was I supposed to learn about being a mother if I wasn’t regularly interacting with and surveying other mothers doin their thang — aka mothering — in real time?
Of course that wasn’t the only issue at play. There were mood and hormonal changes, monumental identity shifts, baby temperaments to become acclimated to, changing marriage dynamics, others’ opinions e-v-e-r-y-w-h-e-r-e, and so little of listening to myself with compassion.
Having a baby is a psychological revolution that changes our relation to almost everything and everyone. — Esther Perel
^including ourselves!!!!!!!!!!!
You see, I didn’t quite have the inner resources I needed to succeed in my first time transition to motherhood. I was consistently overwhelmed, isolated, and unsure of myself in my new role. I thought I knew myself pretty well — and I did, or at least the older version. However, my relationship with myself was rapidly changing, and I didn’t know what to do.
Instead of leaning into this massive identity shift and listening to my own intuitive and literally biologically hardwired mothering instincts, I found myself continually asking the “experts” online for help, outsourcing my own intuition. Woof.
...But this second time was so very different. It had to be.
With the birth of my son in early 2024, I found myself falling in l-o-v-e with my changing identity as a mother of two.
Believe me, I put in alllllllll of the work to get here, and I’m so grateful for this beautiful + redemptive experience.
The year 2024 was full of trusting myself and listening to my own sacred mothering intuition.
If you’re finding yourself in a similar struggle as you adjust to motherhood or parenting in general, I’d love to help.
Working with moms is a passion of mine, both individually and in groups.
I understand that investing in a relationship is a big deal — especially a relationship with a therapist.
I offer complimentary 20 minute phone calls to get to know each other a little and to see if it seems like we would be a good fit before scheduling an initial session.
My goal for you is to find a therapist that you feel safe + known with, and if I’m not the best fit for you, I have a list of incredible referrals I would love to provide you with. Reach out here to schedule a free consult.